That Knowing Feeling

I’ve been using the state lottery as a sort of litmus test where when I check the numbers, I also check in with myself to see how I’m feeling, and what I’m thinking about it. (I suppose guessing cards in a deck would do the same thing, but playing the lottery is more fun, and has more interesting potential surrounding it.)

What I’ve noticed is that for a long time, many issues about power and powerlessness and money would come up whenever it came time to check the ticket, which isn’t at all surprising of course, given the choice of medium. Thoughts would float around in my head, I’d feel anxious or deliberately careless, etc. I was working on it but I hadn’t yet managed to be with the lottery (or the concept of it and what it represented) with any sense of centeredness and peace. But the twice weekly lottery gave me a good way of continuing to work on this stuff, like a mirror in which I could check my progress.

The other day, I slipped into that place of knowingness without knowing it at first! As I started to compare the numbers I knew that we hadn’t won the jackpot, but I knew two of the numbers were going to match, as well as the mega number. The physical act of discovering which numbers they were was sort of superfluous. (We won $9 – woo hoo! LOL.)

That conscious knowing seems to be a reflection of being centered (not having a bunch of conflicting thoughts running around that keep you in your head instead of being clear and ‘zen’) and in the moment and, probably, somewhat detached from any particular outcome. Knowing we won also seems to be a result of ‘owning’ that experience – whatever the manifestation is that you are perceiving or are about to perceive/create. In this case it was being ‘one’ (fully accepting) winning $9 in the lottery by having matched a few of the numbers.

I remember a similar feeling when I was buying my last car. I ‘knew’ that I was going to get the exact car I wanted at this one particular used car place, even though when I first went there to look they didn’t have what I wanted. I spent the time while I was waiting for the insurance check (my previous car had been totaled in a collision) to fully accept exactly what I wanted in a new car. Dealing with thoughts like… was I asking too much? Did reality creation really work? What if…. etc. I even went to a few other car lots to browse, but knew I wouldn’t find anything. By the time the insurance check came in, I still had some old thoughts roaming around in my head, but that feeling of knowing was much stronger within me.

When I drew closer to the used car place, I glanced into the lot before I turned off the road and there was the exact car I wanted, as I knew it would be, sitting in the middle of the lot. I knew it was mine. I actually felt silly doing the test drive because it felt so… superfluous… just like checking the actual numbers in the lottery ticket did.

(I think it’s also important to mention that there are many times I also knew that I had NOT won anything on a lottery ticket, for instance. This experience doesn’t usually have that thrill of recognition (vibe match?) for obvious reasons, but the knowing is still there. It’s almost a sense of knowing nothing (in that area) has changed. Also, knowing that I didn’t win isn’t the same as not knowing if I’ve won, or not knowing either way. It may seem like a small difference, but I’ve found that focusing on what I don’t know or don’t think I know feels very disempowering to me, like focusing on what’s NOT there or what I DON’T have. I often ask myself, “What DO I know?” in various situations just to center my mind a bit, if I’ve been soaking in self-doubt for a while.)

Seems like the more I clear out my conflicting thoughts and feelings, the better I can hear and be in tune with that inner knowing. I can’t get that knowing feeling through exerting will power or trying to cheerlead it into existence by overwhelming internal conflict with ‘positive thinking’. I have to step beyond/above the internal conflict, release it completely, and then the knowing is just THERE.

Anyway – just a few thoughts!

[tags]conscious creation, reality creation, law of attraction, consciousness, lottery[/tags]

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