Printed in the Conscious Creation Journal
October 1998, Issue 2
Exploration via Personality Fragments
by Mae Lou Larson
I stand in the crossroads of a decision and realize that my universe waits poised upon the magnificent brink of creation. I stare down the divergent paths and wonder where each path will lead. How will I feel if I go this way? Can I accomplish my goal? Or is it better to stay the course?
Then the mind grows fuzzy and, distracted by the minutia of living, I forget that I’d ever asked the questions or pondered the decision point. And yet, hours or days later, messages begin to return. A series of still-life photos flip through my awareness, memories of a future time and place. The feeling tones of my inner state are unique, sharply defined and momentarily overwhelm my senses in the present. Within that microsecond of immersion, I understand intuitively that I am not in my present moment. Then, just as quickly as the message arrived, it is gone. And, again the mind grows fuzzy and the moment is gone, put on the shelf and forgotten like all the rest.
But the messages continue-growing more insistent in volume and intensity, mentally demanding that my minute attention span broadened enough to comprehend the situation. And finally I awake. Oh yeah, I was wondering about this place. How do I feel here? Instant repeat of all the messages waiting to be acknowledged. Comprehension dawns.
“Ah-hah,” I exclaim in gleeful discovery, “These are glimpses from probable selves that traveled down each path. No wonder the contradictory feeling tones have been so confusing-they’re from different probable realities!”
With comprehension comes an intense in-rush of energy from those stored future memories, with a feeling of pleasure for the recognition of their source, and then the moment is gone. Then no more messages return, reminding me of the decision yet to be made, hammering on me to pay attention. Until I wonder again which direction I should take on this looming decision…And so it goes. While my mental accuity may lack focus, I make up for lack of clarity with shere volume of repetition. Eventually the message gets through and I choose which probable path I prefer.
Intellectually, when I stop and contemplate what is really happening in these moments, I am a lot more impressed with the process. Perhaps I’m actually popping outside of the illusion of reality for a psy-time moment with my higher self. The moment of comprehension that occurs echos that exquisite moment of becoming lucid in a dream, with all the underlying and subtle realizations going on simultaneously, such as a sense of freedom and, for me, intense amusement.
While I’ve found the act of belief discovery a humorous activity all by itself, the idea of catching myself in the act of making a decision pushes me into the larger realm called conscious creation. But only if I have the Rosettastone in hand to interpret the feelings and images that wash over me at unexpected times.
I used to question the source for such unusual and unsettling thoughts. For many years I reasoned that I was picking up on other people’s thoughts, perhaps becoming telepathic; or else tuning into fragments left in the environment from another’s passing. Why didn’t it ever occur to me to pursue their source deeper? I certainly thought about the phenomena enough when it happened, but I never connected the answers to the questions I’d asked earlier.
However, since discovering how to accept and evaluate answers to previously asked questions, I’ve pondered what Seth called this phenomena. The closest I could find, with thanks to my friend Frank Webster for locating the reference, was a description about personality fragments in the 8th session of The Seth Material, Prentice Hall, 1986, page 24:
“An individual may send a personality fragment image into another level of existence entirely, even without his conscious knowledge. It may gain valuable information on this other level, and then return. Sometimes the individual is not capable of assimilating this knowledge, or even of recognizing his own returning personality image.”
During the long process of learning how to assimilate these personality fragments, I’ve come to realize that my painful and frustrating chest-beating experiences of self-discovery was a result of fear-based beliefs learned in childhood. They no longer served my purposes, so fell away like dross. Only to be replaced by a sense of adventure, exhiliteration and downright fun while exploring the vast landscape of my soul/higher self/energy gestalt. However, I’ve also realized that due to my being so mired in the moment I tend to leave breadcrumbs in the form of realizations behind for myself in order to recognize that one more piece of the puzzle of conscious creation has slipped into place.
Needless to say I’ve pursed this new entertainment form with gusto. And am finally learning how to recognize a call waiting signal before it becomes a nagging irritant. For some reason water is an excellent medium for me. Perhaps being immersed in it helps me grasp the nuances of the moment, or perhaps my brain synapses simply fire better when covered in the superconducting element of water. Regardless, I seem to “wake up” then. During these moments, I’ll realize that a message from a probable self is on hold and will I accept the return call? When I consciously say yes to the incessant signal of the returning message, my reality immediately transforms into a highly entertaining art form. But really, how else can one react to having a conversation with a future self except to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, just let go of any limiting beliefs for the moment and flow with the impulse? Besides, the feeling tones of the messages are always so heart felt and rendered in such endearing detail, and the symbols so pun-filled that if nothing else I give my active imagination maximum points for creativity.
…Such as the glimpse of a puppy tail wagging a plump little body, mouth open in a huge doggy grin, tongue lolling to one side. This in response to a question whether I’d feel safe traveling down a particular decision path.
…Or a life-changing message received on New Year’s eve while soaking in the hot tub on the deck, an unusual snowfall causing every surface to radiate with an inner light, and upon realization that a message awaited, the dazzling star-filled sky above me literally burst into a heart-opening message of unconditional love. Talk about overwhelming! All this in response to a question about whether, in the following year, I could finally heal and release an old emotional pattern that never seemed to find resolution. Needless to say, I accepted the message, and indeed the probability became my reality. And a painful muscular/fascia condition evaporated, not overnight, but slowly and surely as I gained insight into the underlying beliefs.
The next stage in this life-warping experience occurred when I began using inner senses to experience my probable selves and discovered interesting beliefs hidden away in corner cabinets that I’d never noticed before. When seen through the eyes of a probable self, a fear-based belief is so obvious it almost appears to be highlighted in fluorescent dye.
For example: One day I drove through the woods and dales on the journey home after a long day on the job, body relaxing, mind wandering and pondering the idea of leaving my present company to accept another job. In the next eyeblink I woke up and realized that, upon accepting a call waiting, I could view the world outside the windshield through the eyes of a probable self. Upon doing so, I was in fact driving home from the new job. I felt invigorated by the change, and happy in the new location, if uneasy about how little this new position differed from the old. Because of this insight, I began working on my beliefs surrounding the underlying issues and as a result my current job literally changed overnight.
I’m finding that the longer I pursue the goal of living consciously, my participation in all decisions is also higher. By that I mean I am more aware of my participation in creating the issue in the first place through beliefs and understand the background surrounding the question. It eliminates guilt and illusion, but it also eliminates the possibility of blame. Which certainly simplifies life. Did I mention the decisions also seem to get bigger, more symbolic, synchronistic and humorous?
For example, over Labor Day weekend the decision before my partner and myself included possible job relocations for both of us. What are the odds that both of us working for different companies would hear on the same day that our respective jobs may move to different states? We’ve joked for years about the symbolic truth that we live in different worlds as we have diametrically opposed core beliefs about life. So our higher selves concluded that we wanted/needed to confront these different states.
Why create a crisis in order to address an issue? For me it creates an opportunity to release worn out beliefs that I refuse to address directly. That’s the wonderful and scary part about contracting with myself to life consciously. Anything that I won’t address directly is acted out in such a way that I can’t ignore it any longer. However, this crisis also provided the opportunity to create a wonderful solution. Mine appeared in the form of a counselor/healer who helps individuals release traumatic memories at the cellular level. I’m finding that during these intense, blissful, meditation-like sessions, it literally feels like my awareness is traveling with personality fragments into probable realities to test the water, so to speak, and check out if I like the climate. My awareness is simply along for the ride and enjoying the view. Yet I come back from these experiences with answers to questions, solutions to problems and choices for decisions. And apparently I’ve also changed realities. Perhaps my partner did also during his first session over the holiday weekend. Because after we returned to work both our job situations were different. Now, not only do both of us have the opportunity to visit the same state for a few weeks to help out a tight bind in our respective companies but we’ll both be staying at the same hotel on the beach.
Conscious creation via exploration of probable realities through personality fragments results in a continous life-review on such a macro level that the experience is utterly and totally intriguing, motivating, fun and life-changing.
I’ve discovered that accepting responsibility as co-creator, rather than choosing to abdicate power and claim victim status, leads to that inevitable leap off the mountain ledge into conscious creation. Which brings me to another discovery upon my journey, so far. While standing upon the pinnacle of a decision now, I perceive a vast expanse before me. A place where every probable reality exists. Where every choice is correct. Where every path leads to the chosen goal. I believe I’m gazing upon the eternal now. A place infused with the feeling tone of bliss. And I’m learning to appreciate Seth’s most profound statement anew, “The present is the point of power.” (The Nature of Personal Reality, Prentice Hall, 1974, page 344)
©1998, Mae Lou Larson. Printed in the October 1998 Issue of the Conscious Creation Journal. (Feel free to duplicate this article for personal use – please include this copyright notice.) http://www.consciouscreation.com/
About MaeLou on the eternal validity of her soul: I know I exist on multi-dimensional levels of reality as I’m learning how to peek behind the doors along the hallway of conscious creation. And within the rooms are other souls laughing and playing with idea constructs. Whose stories I enjoy capturing within novels that I laughingly refer to as fantasy. One such construct is a life along the northwest shore of the USA, joined on my journey by other caring life-forms, some of whom don the cloak of furbabies. Otherwise known as cats.