Three Steps Into The Magical: Shivai! by John McNally

Printed in the Conscious Creation Journal
February-March 2000, Issue 10

Three Steps Into The Magical: Shivai!
by John McNally

The year of 1999 had been a very difficult one for me. Despite all my efforts, the year had ended with me still being in debt and not having enough money to cover our basic necessities.

I found myself once again questioning the validity of reality creation theory. Why did it work so well in some areas, and perform so badly in others? Why was I able to manifest some things with very little effort, but when it came to having enough money to live on, I constantly came up short?

I felt like I had designed an Edsel. A reality creation machine that was only good for a few miles before something else broke down.  It was time to go back to the drawing board. Throw out everything and start from the very beginning. Below is a very brief synopsis of what I spent most of the last two months agonizing over.

First: I exist. I accept that I exist as a conscious being. If I am wrong, the rest of this wouldn’t matter anyway. <G>  Second: The physical world exists. It is stable and comfortable, staying relatively the same when I wake up each morning.  Third: My consciousness extends beyond the physical world. I’ve had too many out of body and similar experiences to consider otherwise.  Fourth: There is a direct connection between my consciousness, and physical reality. This is something I recognized years before I had ever heard of Seth or reality creation.  It was why I had originally explored paganism, I knew there was a lot more going on then could be explained away by mere coincidence.

My quest led me to a number of metaphysical texts, but first and foremost among them were the Seth/Jane Roberts books. I can remember reading The Nature of Personal Reality the first time and recognizing that inner connection where everything suddenly made sense. The universe was no longer this random place in which consciousness had evolved against the most ridiculous odds, but instead it all had purpose and meaning, formed by my own beliefs.

It all seemed so simple at first: Change your beliefs, and your reality will change to match the new ones. And it worked! It worked easily in little ways at first, progressed further into the more meaningful areas of my life. And finally had been hugely successful in all areas except one. Only in the area of money and debt was I unable to make this change, a positive transformation from survival to thriving mode.  I had tried various exercises, affirmations, opening myself to abundance and greater amounts of energy, just about any technique you can think of and probably a few more. I learned a lot about myself in the process, came to love and accept myself a great deal more, and learned to recognize and appreciate those areas in my life that are abundant in love.  Much to my amazement though, I still found myself falling behind in the rent and other important bills.

Finally in late November I got pissed off. I took a second job and began working 50 to 60 hours a week in order to generate that much needed cash.  Of course, more money began to flow in. Job creation is one of those areas in which I create easily, and after several exhausting workweeks I began to see some improvement in our financial situation.  The anger I felt transformed into an unstoppable sense of determination. I would not, under any circumstances tolerate being without money anymore.  Some idiot once said that suffering is good for the soul. Frankly, I would say it sucks for the soul, but it is great for determination.

During this time I continually searched both mind and soul for answers as to why this was the only way in which I was successful in creating money. I remembered the Seth books talking about core beliefs. Core beliefs are more difficult to change, since they are so much a part of yourself.  Finally the truth of that really hit home for me. These core beliefs are exactly those that I have been using to define myself in physical reality.  They are part of the identity I know as John McNally, one of the most basic components in my internal programming which forms the constant illusion of physical reality.

I know that even these core beliefs can be changed. Although, in my opinion, the standard exercises are not really up to the task.  I see most affirmations, and exercises as being the “trickle down” effect. You start up in your head, repeating some phrase, or focus until gradually it trickles down to the core of your being and your perspective shifts to where it’s an accepted reality.  In those areas which we don’t have a strong attachment to a belief, this is easy. However, when your identity is closely connected to this belief, the change is much more difficult.

There has to be an easier way, I thought. And naturally since I believed that I automatically set about finding one.  Instead of communicating via the brain to our soul (yes I know they’re not really separate but bear with me here) what if we could learn the internal language of our inner being? It would be like learning to program your computer in binary, rather than using BASIC, or C+. But how do you take this shortcut? What language does the soul speak?

If a computer was based in binary, which would be a language of duality, what would be the internal language of the soul be based on? Hmm, unity would be one I thought, but how would that look? Using the computer model again, in binary switches are constantly either “off” or “on.” In a language of unity then, there would only be “on.”

“Of course!” I exclaimed mentally.  If it is always on, it is like the flow of a river! You never actually turn it off you only divert it in new ways, putting energy into those areas you want to. In retrospect it looked so simple I wanted to let out a resounding DUH! Once again though, what is the easiest and most direct route for altering that flow?

The answer came to me while watching the movie The Matrix for about the fifth time.  While Neo, the main character, is waiting to see the Prophet, he encounters a young boy bending a spoon with his mind.  The boy advises Neo: “Do not try to bend the spoon, that’s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you will see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.”  Applying this to myself I realized that focusing my new sense of determination outward at the problem was not the answer, but focusing it internally instead.  Pure intention focused on changing myself, redirecting that flow internally.

The sense was incredibly powerful. I can only describe it with the word “Shivai”, which was defined by the entity Bashar as “I am going for what I know is me, and my truth that nothing can stop me.” I can feel this power in me, feel myself changing with it, and feel reality changing as well.


(c)2000, John McNally.  Published in the February-March 2000 issue of the online Conscious Creation Journal.   Feel free to copy this article for personal use – please include this copyright notice.