Printed in the Conscious Creation Journal
February-March 2000, Issue 10
With this column I wish you all a Holy Goodbye. My life has brought me to some new vistas that do not include writing this column anymore. I thank you for listening to me over these past many months. I wish you all the best of everything.
A few last words, before I go…
In her latest book Full Exposure, Susie Bright wrote up an erotic manifesto. The suggestions that follow are hers. The commentary is my own.
1. Talk about sex anywhere.
I have never run out of interesting things to think about sex. I like to say these things out loud, because discussion is a way to open my mind further. When I talk about sex with other people, I find out more of what I really do think. I also get to know other people better.
2. Take inspiration from everyone, and instruction from no one.
Sexual style is like fingerprints. We’re all different, and that’s a good thing. Sometimes I look at people who seem to have it more together sexwise than I do, and I think I ought to be doing things just like they are. Then I remember that is a waste of time to even try. Sexual joy comes from me expressing me. That’s the whole point of it!
3. Appreciate the simplest erotic gesture.
Moments are what love lives are made out of. A certain touch may be more memorable than an orgasm. The sexual energy between two people rises out of these small moments building on each other. They are terribly important and are too often ignored in favor of the large gesture. But large gestures are empty if they have no base to uphold them. These simpler, and sometimes very small, erotic gestures make up the base.
4. Accept no guru’s ego — accountability is more cosmic than charisma.
Some people may be able to teach you important things about sexuality. But don’t forget that they are only as human as you are. They can never give you erotic beauty itself. You always have that to discover on your own. And you can.
5. Give your erotic identity the benefit of your imagination.
Susie says it best: “The best thing that ever happened to my sex life was when, by accident, I stopped making comparisons to others — when I was momentarily distracted, and just let myself think and make love as I am. I was at my most content and most thrilled. If I had happened to catch a glance of myself in the mirror, I would have been surprised — because when I am involved in life, my activity animates my face and body in a way that could never be caught in a pose.”
6. Defy the quick description.
It’s so easy to grab a label and apply it to myself. I’m hetero, or bisexual, or celibate, or whatever label I feel currently describes me the closest. Yet such labels mean almost nothing in my own storyline. My celibacy is not like another person’s celibacy. My bisexuality is not like another person’s bisexuality. If I stop grabbing a label, then I might be inclined to describe myself more clearly. And I might find I am more interesting than I think.
7. Kill envy with erotic kindness.
Envy is a tool, like all such painful emotions. It’s basically a path to desire. If I envy another, then I am seeing my own desire more clearly. I can love envy away by pursuing my own desire, not another’s.
8. Claim your own fantasy life. Write it all down, every bit of it.
Have you ever written your own personal pornographic story? It’s a trip. Do it for yourself. You don’t have to let anyone else see it. Let your imagination run as rampant as it can. Read it out loud for your own ears. Smile.
9. Make a recipe for fantasy revelation.
This goes with the above. Pretend your masturbation fantasy is a dream, and record it as a dream. Let yourself see what you don’t usually see. Be surprised by what’s going on in your own mind. And don’t judge. Look for the mythical story, the large symbols. Get to know yourself more deeply.
10. Decloak right in the middle of fucking.
Yeah! I love this one. Let your voice follow its impulses. Speak out loud your silent thoughts about what’s going on with your body and your mind. Leave the script behind. Expression is mighty powerful. It can really raise the energy higher.
11. Expose your body to the sensuous elements.
The feeling of being physical is so beautiful and luxurious, and often taken quite for granted. Revel in sensations of all kinds. Good lovemaking depends on being able to notice the most subtle and exquisite pleasures of the flesh. Train yourself to feel as much as you can feel.
12. Assume everyone is sexual.
Again, I quote Susie:
“Your momma is sexual,
Your great-grandma who you never even knew,
Her husband too —
Your precious baby, and every other precious baby,
That twisted-up guy in a wheelchair,
The thirteen-year-old with thick glasses and orthopedic shoes,
The incredible homely person that you crossed the street to get away from,
weird anorexic supermodels too —
Anyone you don’t desire,
and anyone you’ve ever put on a pedestal.
©2000, Mui. Printed in the February-March 2000 Issue of the online Conscious Creation Journal. http://www.consciouscreation.com (Feel free to duplicate this column for personal use – please include this copyright notice.) Mui on Mui: “A 43 year old, living in California, with some fresh insights on sex and relationships.”