The Three Faces of Me by John J. McNally

Printed in the Conscious Creation Journal
February 1999, Issue 4

The Three Faces of Me
by John J. McNally

Many of us have heard that since we are all ONE, that each and every person you meet is in some way a reflection of yourself. Very recently, I discovered first hand how very true this is. I found myself involved in a drama with three extremely unique individuals that I was later to realize not only represented other parts of myself, but parts that I wanted to re-integrate into my present psyche.

Since this article is about these three individuals as aspects of myself rather than whatever role I may have played in their own realities. I’ll name each of them as aspects of myself: There is Paul (my confirmation name), Joseph (my middle name) and Jack (an adaptation of John), like the ghosts in Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol, each aspect touched upon my past, present and future. The four of us were at odds over the concept of whether someone can inhibit another person’s freedom, however when I stopped looking at the surface issue, and started seeing them as aspects of myself, the connections were amazing.

Paul was the first person to clue me into what I was perceiving, since he often reminded me of myself about 15 years ago, and I tended to think of him as a young man rather than an adult about my own age of 35. The person Paul reflected in me was a social outcast who wore his martyrdom like a badge of honor. He was self-righteous, but kind and loving, that is, assuming you saw the world his way. The minute you threatened his worldview, you threatened his identity, and you would receive anything from stony silence to relentless political ranting in reply.

This aspect of myself had almost no self-love or self worth, and Paul represented almost perfectly the man I could have grown into. At the age of 20, I was set on becoming a computer programmer. Computers were the perfect environment for me back then.  They represented a perfectly controlled universe in which even random numbers are an illusion. I had very little self-love back then, and I was extremely uncomfortable accepting it from others. I longed desperately to have a girlfriend and to be “in love” but I wasn’t actually able to open to the experience.

As you may have guessed, the real Paul is a computer programmer.  He also speaks of women and sexual relationships from a perspective that speaks to me of loneliness and isolation. There is talk of past loves and elaborate dreams, but nothing in the physical present, an exact echo of my past self.

The final connection was the manner in which Paul reacted to my disagreement with him. I dared to think differently from him, which brought a series of politically oriented replies, all of which painted me in the role of the “bad guy.” Any attempt at communication only brought more resistance and proselytizing. To paraphrase Pink Floyd, I became “another brick in the wall.” This was a wall I knew very well, since I had spent a good portion of my twenties dismantling those very bricks.

The second player in the drama represented a more sideways parallel of myself. Several years ago, when I was convinced that the universe required compromise and that magic had its limits in physical reality, I decided to finish college and become a teacher.  This was a profession that I knew I could enjoy, while hopefully pursuing a writing career during my off hours.

Joseph provided an excellent reflection of the “me” who chose this path. He has a quick wit and appears fun loving (a teacher of course), but always careful to hide what his own feelings and beliefs were.

As Joseph, I was more inclined to spout ideas about reality creation, and relate my successes, then I was to admit that there were areas of my life that were grossly unfulfilled.  I could quote Seth with the best of them (as Joseph is inclined to do), and give wonderful advice unless, of course, someone was trying to naively create a life without choosing some form of established career path.  I had developed a cynical edge to my ideas of reality creation, sneering at the “lovey new age types” who believed they could create money by just wishing for it.

True to form, Joseph’s conflict with me began after that cynicism showed its face, lashing out at someone who viewed the universe more openly. Joe argued that he was doing the younger man a favor, and in a sense he was, just not the favor he envisioned.

Like the character: The Ghost of Christmas Future in A Christmas Carol, Jack represented the scariest part of all, the probable self that I may have become. Jack is an intelligent, well-educated, retired artist who can no longer draw due to severe arthritis. Jack is sardonic and bitter, and though he can still express love toward his mother, he is far too rigid to allow love to flow through his own being.

The aspect of myself which Jack represents originates in my mid-twenties. After becoming dissatisfied with computer programming, I looked for something with which I could express myself more freely. One of these areas was drawing for comic books, the same type of drawing that Jack used to do for a living.  This was a time for me when I had taken more steps toward expressing myself in the world, but I still had many of the isolationist tendencies that I had as Paul. I was still looking for ways to reinforce my outsider status, rather than healing the separation within.

Like an aging version of Paul, the man I would have become as Jack is self-righteous. He has studied lots of metaphysical texts over the years and knows all too well how the world works, which channeled information is good, and which is pure B.S. When he sees B.S, he rips it apart mercilessly, not wanting crap posing as truth to go unchallenged. His life has been one of victimization, the world is controlled by conspiracies and “powers that be,” all of which he had no access to as an outsider. He would die prouder knowing that he never conformed to the rules that would inhibit his freedom, and like Joseph, he was far too cynical to ever believe that love was anything more than an emotion. Hence, his rigid thoughts created a rigid body, preventing him from drawing, the one area where he loved to express himself.

As I recognized myself in these three individuals, my head spun.  The more I looked at the situation, the more I could see connections between us, and once I saw these connections, I could allow myself to love those aspects.

At first I thought that this would be where my story ended.  I released each of them with love, feeling it reach those long forgotten parts of my own being. I had healed the past and was ready to move on, into the present.  What I didn’t realize, at first, is that the present was exactly that: a present, a Christmas present if you consider the time of the year.  Shortly after the drama had ended, I found myself working on several new projects, all of which just seemed to flow naturally from my own inner source of joy.

It hit me like a cartoon anvil when I realized that one of these projects involved learning computer programming, another: teaching reality creation classes, and finally I am drawing a comic strip for the CCJ titled “Luxely.” The burst of inspiration and energy that has been around these projects has been incredible. Lately, I feel as if there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything I want to do. This represents a new height of joy for me, an influx of energy that has set my world afire!  It took me weeks to make the connections between the healing of my three aspects and the sudden burst of energy around these new projects, but once I did, I realized that I only have myself to thank. *grin*

©1999, John J. McNally. Printed in the February 1999 Issue of the Conscious Creation Journal.  (Feel free to duplicate this article for personal use – please include this copyright notice.)  http://www.consciouscreation.com/

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