Printed in the Conscious Creation Journal
December 1998, Issue 3
I Have a Theory: Swimming Pools and Inner Passions
By Kristen Fox
I remember when I was a kid, I wanted to have our own family swimming pool SO badly. Of course, I didn’t know about CONSCIOUS CREATION then, but I did know what I loved to do – I loved to swim. And when I couldn’t manage to finagle a swim in a friend’s pool I’d pull out the Sears Catalog and just stare at the two or three pages they had that were filled with photos of roundish above-ground pools. They were lined with blue and filled with crystal clear water and kids having fun. There were people posed on the decks. There were fun extras like floatation toys shaped like alligators and underwater goggles and snorkles. I could spend hours doing that and did, especially when it was hot outside. If possible I would have worn the ink away with the intensity of my focus. I even did this in the wintertime!
Sometime during this period, my parents apparently began talking about getting a pool and gathered brochures from five or six companies. After I looked through them all, I saw the one I wanted and then spent hours pouring over the photos in THAT brochure – never really mentioning to my parents anything about a preference. That summer, we got that exact swimming pool.
As I said, I had no clue about CONSCIOUS CREATION back then, but as a child I intuitively was drawn towards that which captivated my heart, and I allowed myself to become “ONE” with the photos and experiences on the pages of that Sears Catalog. It didn’t matter that it was hot as blazes outside and we had no pool – I’d just go into the basement, the coolest part of the house, sit at the table down there and be with what I loved.
Getting a swimming pool was, for me, a VERY big deal. It was what I wanted – it was my heart’s desire. And as a child, I still knew how to FEEL that desire and let the energy flow through me and bring my vibration into alignment with the idea and experience of owning our own swimming pool. All that crystal clear water to myself (practically – at least in relation to a PUBLIC pool) where I could swim when I wanted, as long as I wanted. All mine! <grin>
And there we have it – the key to successful conscious creation. But why does it seem that this sense of passion and connection is so difficult for most “adults” to experience and even recognize? Somewhere along the way we stopped being the bright, energy-abundant children and started following the lead of other adults, being how adults should be. But this article isn’t about lamenting our lost inner child, but about remembering and reclaiming that passion.
One of the places where the “adult” world allows the expression of determined passion is in with “good causes” or with fighting some sort of “bad thing,” whether it’s a disease, starvation, war, environmental ravaging or other current “evil.” And while there’s nothing at all wrong with these experiences, this sort of passion we feel if we are involved in a cause such as these is a passion built on reactivity, not creativity. And while the passion of a reactive nature is supported, passion of the creative nature is either relegated to the officially-labeled “artists” of society, or as stifled as possible. It’s okay to get angry and reactive and motivated for change THAT way, but what about being motivated from WITHIN by our own heart’s desire for a certain experience?
I call it a heart’s desire because that’s where I feel the energy when I am linked to my creative flow and my desires. It’s where I feel it most strongly. Sometimes my chest around my heart chakra even gets itchy when I’m channeling more energy than usual.
I’ve actually observed myself in the act of starting to feel a desire and joy for an experience or creation or idea and then WHAM… shutting it down before it gets too “real.” Why? Maybe habit? Maybe fear of my own creativity? Maybe judgments about it being “wrong” to feel so strongly and selfishly? Whatever the reason, I’m changing that aspect of my behavior right NOW.
One of the tricks I seemed to intuitively understand as a child was the art of disconnecting myself from emotionally reacting to any existing circumstances that I did not like and focusing, admist the existing circumstances, on what I wanted ANYWAY. For instance, I could have complained about it being too HOT every summer, but instead I focused on those photos of swimming pools and inflatable beach balls and smiling kids.
You can say, “Sure it’s relatively easy to focus on a photo of a swimming pool in hot weather, but how about something IMPORTANT, like focusing on creating money when you’re broke or focusing on love and happiness when you’re lonely and depressed?” Of course the ultimate challenge here is that there IS no difference!
This is where the idea of a “split focus” comes in. Assuming that we’ve healed and released all old emotional attachments to the current situation that we’ve created, we can utilize a split-focus to bring about the desired change. First thing we can do is to realize that we really HAVE released all emotional attachments even if the situation is still present. The less emotion and heart energy we apply to something the more it fades away.
Then, while we still acknowledge the current situation and “do what’s in front of us” we do NOT need to focus all of our attention on it. Peering more and more closely at the same negative balance in your checkbook or asking yourself WHY you’re eating alone again isn’t going to reveal any “escape” secrets. Let go of the sighing, let go of any residual frustration and just DO it and let it go. As a child I could have found out more about WHY it was so hot and humid during certain months, but that woudn’t have helped me to create a swimming pool!
Now comes the part where we have to feeeeeeeeeel. Are you ready for this? You may already have an intellectual idea of what you want. Perhaps you think that you want to pay your bills on time or that you want someone to be able to go to the movies with. That’s a good place to start. Visualize the desired situation as best you can, and then observe what emotions your vision conjurs up.
You may be surprised that you do not feel as strongly about the chosen visions as you thought. Don’t TRY to make yourself feel strongly about something – that doesn’t work. At this point, let your mind start to wander and it will take you where you want to go – to where your REAL heart’s desires are.
For instance, in trying to create more money, I would attempt to focus on the joy of paying my bills on time, and although I found a certain satisfaction in the process, it didn’t evoke any passion within me. Even the vision of coming into a large amount of money itself wasn’t “it” so to speak. This really confused me at first because I THOUGHT one of my goals had been to have a lot of money. So I let my mind wander and before I knew it I was in a huge house which I knew was mine, designing and decorating each room in it with unique cabinets, beautiful furniture, and window coverings. I was creating huge works of art to hang on the walls. I was baking tons of cookies for the holidays in my HUGE and wonderful kitchen. I was swimming in my OWN inground pool. I was laughing with a large group of friends there for a get-together. I was sitting in the “computer” room with my partner John and we were working on an elaborate setup of computers which included our own server and desktop publishing stations. We were holding workshops and seminars in our home that dealt with reality creation and metaphysics, etc.
It wasn’t that having a lot of money isn’t PART of the whole deal, for I feel that it is, but it wasn’t the part that ignited my feelings and my heart chakra. To look at this another way – you may have a passion for working with wood – the feel of the wood in your hands, the excitement of building something from scratch – but not necessarily have an overwhelming passion for, for instance, certain kinds of saws. You may know a lot about the saws, so that you can use them most effectively, and have a great respect for the cleverness of each specialty tool, but your real PASSION is with working with the wood itself. In my money example, while I felt great RELIEF about having lots of money, the passion was focused in having many rooms and an unlimited budget with which to fill them with the perfect items, making my home a work of art. As a matter of fact, in my daydreams I didn’t focus on having a lot of money in my hands, for instance, but I DID focus on shopping trips where I bought EVERYTHING I wanted.
With your passions, focus on the SPECIFICS of what thrills you, and then let that OTHER part of you fill in the picture and take care of the HOWs, the background settings, and all the details. Think of it like having a certain job title in a company. If you’re the manager, let your employees take care of the details of the job, and you focus on the overall goal of the department and relations with other departments. If you’re a programmer in a department, let your manager handle situations with other departments, and you focus on writing the code. If we were here to do EVERYTHING we’d never get to do ANYTHING! And if your passion is in programming but you’ve become a manager because everyone told you it was a good opportunity – look inside again and let your passion guide you to your greatest creative opportunities.
The first time you go about connecting with your true passion and heart’s desires, you may encounter some resistance to this state, but stay there as long as you can and as long as you find joy in it. We have lots of “reasons” why we’re not supposed to connect with ourselves and our passions, and you may experience a bit of discomfort and try to distract yourself. It’s much like a specialized kind of meditation, in fact. Always return to the joy, put yourself in the picture and FEEL the vibrancy of it all, and it will get easier with practice.
And so does the creating!
“The objective here is to live in life in the outer, from the inner. Which, if you understand, you do everytime you open your eyes. All the sense perceptions you receive are your creation. By resolving your own internal issues, you will resolve the experience. That is, the outer experience will reflect the harmony you are seeking. Here is the paradox: The conscious mind seeks inward for resolution of what will be outwardly experienced by the conscious mind.”
– Gradius & Ragon
(c)1998, Kristen Fox. Published in the December 1998 issue of the online Conscious Creation Journal. Feel free to copy this article for personal use – please include this copyright notice. http://www.consciouscreation.com/