Printed in the Conscious Creation Journal
In Search of My Bliss – Part Two
by Dale Evans
(Previous: In Search of My Bliss – Part ONE)
So what did I want to do? I did much running round on a hamster wheel going nowhere on this. And it seemed to me it took a very long time to realize that what I was actually attempting to do was choose the RIGHT choice. Oh, sure, I kept myself thinking I was trying to align with my intent, with what would be effortless and fit rather easily into mass beliefs regarding how one makes a living, and just what abilities of mine could I use that WOULD make me a living? In other words, I began thinking my CHOICE of expression mattered and not my EXPRESSING. And that if I didn’t find the RIGHT mode of expression, then it wouldn’t WORK. I completely forgot about my dream and how it felt to live my bliss, and began trying to figure things out in a logical, methodical method. And I was severely limiting myself. I had become goal oriented and not allowing of a free flow of my energy and creativity.
Once I realized this – my automatic applying of the belief system of duplicity to my explorations – and I had redirected my focus back onto myself, things began to move more smoothly. I continued doing what I was doing, more or less trusting myself and following my impulses (“Allowing My Impulses to Lead Me” ), and looking for those times when I felt a glimmer of my bliss. I was painting the interior of my house in imagery to myself of more pleasure, injoying the various critters that frequented my Cafe (“The Squirrel Cafe”) and getting my screened in porch ready for summer, along with all the “normal” stuff.
I think it’s significant to note that during this period neither I nor my husband had a regular paying job. Our savings had run out, and with neither of us wanting to join the system and get a job, this trusting ourselves was a pretty scary thing. But some deep part of me knew that if I trusted myself and followed my impulses, my physical needs would be met. And they were (and are), although sometimes to the barest minimum. Thus entered HUGE beliefs regarding laziness, bucking the system, egomania, fear of authority figures, what others think, shame and embarrassment, parenting responsibilities, making others victims of my reality – in a nutshell – trust of self and self worth. Oh, well. These were all very familiar feelings and ones I felt quite comfortable with in one sense. They were who I thought I was. I was someone with “potential” that just wouldn’t “get with the program.” Having potential was easy – living my potential was a whole other ball game, and one I did not know how to play or be. (This is about the time I connected with present-future me. “Dialogues with My Multitudes”)
I had been working sporadically in the film business for the past 6 years, there not being much call for script continuity supervisors in upstate New York, and about this time I created, un-created and then re-created a low budget movie being filmed here. With a budget of 1.5 million and some known names, this was the biggest thing that had hit this town in some years. A creation in itself. I spent the next 6 weeks very wet and very dirty and discovering alot about myself. Mostly what I realized was that I didn’t value myself, and that no matter what objective imagery I presented myself with, I still didn’t because I wouldn’t accept it.
(An aside – I originally wrote this about 5 months ago, and just re-reading how I felt about myself then pangs my heart. I had always “thought” I valued myself, but I’m much deeper into self discovery than simply figuring out what I think. I guess an analogy would be I’m at death’s door and I’m before my own God with absolutely no place to hide. Anything.)
So one beautiful afternoon I was sitting on my porch and a friend dropped in. At first we were just shooting the breeze, catching up, and then we began getting into more “heavy” topics. Specifically, her relationships with her husband and her son. As the conversation became deeper and deeper I realized I was beginning to shake. Not externally, but internally. I could feel my energy vibrating. And I realized I LOVED THIS! I loved mirroring back to people what they were attempting to offer themselves but sometimes “missed” their own clues; I loved noticing the beliefs behind what they were creating (I didn’t get the nickname of Belief Police for nuthin!); I loved noticing the automatic responses that seemed to keep them running in the same circles; I loved reminding them that they could choose differently; I loved reminding them of their own power and how they could change their world but not another’s; and I loved that ALL OF IT was sychronistically what I was addressing to within myself, what I wanted to remind myself of; and I loved it that they sought out this type of exchange with ME! This was no “chance” meeting, but a co-incidence.
Thus began: Dale Evans, Intuitive Facilitator
Facilitator of Energetic Exchanges in: Self Acceptance, Belief Identification, Meditation, Dreams/Dream Interpretation, Trans-Focal Exchanges, Energy Center Alignment
I took my premises of “to thine own self be true” and “know thyself,” my tweaky ability to identify beliefs, my empathic and telepathic abilities to connect, my years of meditating and consciously dreaming, my abilities to connect with my other focuses and facilitate others connecting, and my ability to feel and see energy and energy centers and OWNED IT. Or so I thought.
…to be continued…
©2001, Dale Evans. All Rights Reserved. Printed in the Conscious Creation Journal. http://www.consciouscreation.com (Feel free to duplicate this article for personal use – please include this copyright notice and the URL.)
Dale Evans, Intuitive Facilitator, is a communicator offering individualized and unique consulting and coaching (online, by phone and in person) based on the premise that no one needs fixing. We are who we are because it is purpose-full for us and is providing us value full-fill-ment.