That is, money is a physical symbol or representation of energy - this is a simple enough idea.  I was pndering this the other day when suddenly I was hearing my mother's voice in my head from days past.  She was sighing, sounded tired and exclaimed breathlessly, "I just don't have the energy right now." That usually meant that what I asked for wasn't going to happen.

Then I "clicked" on more about money and energy.  For a while I have been untangling money from my pereptions of what I can and "cannot" do.  That is, I have been noticing how I approach or feel about things that I did not yet have the money for.  I'd think about it, say, things like "it would be really nice if..." or "it would be really cool to..."  As much as I wanted these things though, I always held back.  After all, I didn't want to get all attached to an idea or plan if I wasn't going to be able to actually experience or manifest it, right?  I was following very well those words of wisdom I'd learned, "Don't get your hopes up!"  And as we all know, a wall of self-protection not only blocks the experience of disappointment, it also blocks the experience of fulfillment.  It's a block period.  An energy block.  In refusing to get my hopes up, I shut myself down.

As far as I can figure, the way we allow our desires to be manifest in physical reality from nonphysical reality is to allow the energy of that desire to be felt by our physical beings.  It was either Abraham or Bashar, one of those nonphysicals, that said our main job is to reduce and release resistance.  My resistance was based around my beliefs about having the money or means to do something before committing to doing that something.  I didn't have the money or see a place from where the money could come, and so I refused to let the energy flow, fearful of getting hurt.

In other words, I was doing it all ass backwards.  Allowing the desire (energy of creation) to flow was exactly what created the means to achieve that desire in the first place.  That is, flowing my energy of a particular desire, FEELING the desire and simply accepting it, allowed all of the physical ingredients to flow into place.  Once again I see how I was trusting in the illusion of physical reality (what seemed "possible") instead of my own creative being.  But how do you take that chance and let yourself commit to something you want?  Aren't you just leaving yourself open and vulnerable?  What if you're wrong?  What if that money you committed to having doesn't show up?  What if those travel plans you have been creating don't seem to be a step closer to manifestation?  What if...?

And how can you possibly let yourself commit to having zillions of dollars when your rational mind can see no viable avenure for its manifestation?  How can you possibly commit yourself to having something you want when the rational mind can see no possible way to have it?   Don't you NEED to have a physical MEANS before something can happen?  Again, all ass backwards. <grin>

The danger here, as I caught myself doing time and time again, is in letting the rational mind decide what's possible or probable, because it bases its assessments, as we have trained it to, only on what has already been done.  And this folks, is not creation, this is repetition.  It's about following along in the rut and looking outside the self instead of knowing that you ARE the creative center of your universe.

So, getting back to my earlier point about money being energy, I started to find my way around this mental block.  After all, I surmissed, it wasn't MONEY that made things possible, it was energy.  And although my rational mind "knew" that in the moment I did not have the money to do something, I DID know that I, personally, DID have the ENERGY to do something.  So I allowed myself to feel what came.  I saw myself feeling great, doing what I wanted, having all the energy and enthusiasm for experiencing what I wanted, and seeing money just as one of the details that would come along and be a prop in the play, so to speak.  I switched my focus from the money to the energy - simple, yet ... WOW!

Where before I'd felt myself frozen and stuck, preventing myself from even imagining a little of what I wanted, I pictured myself joyfully and energetically carrying out the steps of what I wanted to do.  I felt the energy flow through me and out into physical reality, thus a more literal reflection of "you get back what you give" pops up.

Essentially, what I'm talking about here is trusting the self as creator instead of the physical ways and means that we've been projecting our own power onto.  Sure, what I want may still come through a more "predictable" or "rational" means, but I will know that this illusion comes from me, instead of from a source "outside" of me.

The kind of self-trust or self-confidence I've experienced along these same lines has been as alien as its been familiar.  I remember the feeling from being a kid and I also remember that it wasn't supposed to be okay to be that confident.  To actually NOT WORRY AT ALL about such important things as money or what was going to happen next.  To actually know that what I wanted already WAS and all I have to do is step from one moment to the next and live each moment to the fullest.   It feels different, and it feels right.  I think I'll stay here a while.  <grin> 

©1999, Kristen Fox. Printed in the August-September 1999 Issue of the online Conscious Creation Journal. http://www.consciouscreation.com/ (Feel free to duplicate this column for personal use - please include this copyright notice.)