I always resisted guided meditation.  When I first began meditating I read many books.  Most of these tomes advised the reader to use the colors of the rainbow to lull oneself into a meditative state.  So I tried to feel red.  To let the color red surround my body and infuse my psyche. I tried orange and yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet.  Nothing, except a few minutes of focus on a color and then my mind would create something new.  I was annoyed at being told what to concentrate on.  It irritated me beyond belief.  I was bored with the rainbow.  I found the exercise to be frustrating and awkward.  Just what was this meditation stuff?  How could I know if I was doing it correctly?

There were other frustrations as well.  Was my body in a comfortable position?  Did I need to go to the bathroom?  Would someone interrupt me?  Unless you live alone it's oftentimes difficult to get the privacy you need at whatever time you need to concentrate on your meditation.  Could I relax my body enough?  Could I maintain a focus?  What do I do with all those thoughts and fantasies that run through my head?  How the hell do I begin to meditate!

That's when I came across the best advice I was ever given about meditation.  Talk to your spirit guides/total self.  That's it.  Lay down in any comfortable position and just talk to yourself.  Ask your Self to help you meditate and communicate.  After all it's your total self wouldn't you talk to yourself in the first place?  Of course you would!  I would lie there asking them to show me how to meditate.  Allow me a deeper understanding of my Self I would plead.  At first it felt silly.  When I was little I used to talk to God in my mind.  Now I was talking to my unknown self and praying that I would be able to understand what they would attempt to impart to me.  It felt so funny that I would laugh and giggle at myself for my folly.

After a few weeks of trying daily with a fervent desperation I began to notice something.  There was a voice that would over and over again say, "Relax... breath...relax..." Who was that?  Was that me?  Relax, huh.   Well even if I was beginning to go insane being told to relax wasn't a bad thing now was it?  Okay, I'll relax, I'll breathe, I'll listen to this bodiless voice that I hear in my mind.

As I would try to relax my body the voice would encourage me even further, pointing out areas of tension or discomfort within my body.  "Relax your forehead, your jaw...your shoulders," it would suggest.  I would inevitably turn my consciousness to that point within my physical body and try to relax it.

I decided to try focusing on the blackness of my eyelids.  At first it was difficult for me because my eyes, even though they were closed, would tear and sting continuously. It was very irritating and finally stopped after a few weeks.  Then I began to see the color green while I meditated.  I call them color forms.  They look like patterns or shapeless globs of color that dance before you. I even began to see them in the dark above me if I opened my eyes.

After a few weeks more I noticed that if I focused on the color it would repeat the same pattern over and over again.  This pattern acted like a hypnotic lure.  I could feel my relaxation level deepening.  During this kind of focus I would hear that voice in my head saying things like, "relax, breathe, focus, concentrate, let yourself go, etc.".  I wasn't sure if that was myself saying these words or some 'alternate' aspect of my consciousness.

I began to play games with my unknown Self.  I would ask them to touch me or give me some sign that they were really there.  I would often feel a tingling on my nose or my foot.  I would focus on that feeling and find that it felt like someone was touching me.  The tingling had such energy that I was able to turn my focus to it.  I would concentrate on that feeling and before I knew it I would be at a deeper state of meditation then I thought possible.

I would lay there and have conversations with this green glob in front of me. Then I began to get responses.  I would ask a question and then I would get an answer.  It's the internal dialogue that we all have each day of our lives.  I began to notice a big difference between the voices.  The other voice seemed to always boost me up when I was down.  It pointed out different ideas and viewpoints for me to consider.  It answered questions for me or at least pointed me in the right direction.  It made me feel so fantastic.

Sometimes the communication was so intense and continuous. Dreams and out-of-body experiences would occur in the droves.  These times consumed my attention.  I was learning to listen to my self and differentiate from my ego-kind-of voice and my other self-voice.  I was learning all the time and it kicked some serious ass in my book.  I would write the experiences down often but I seemed more dedicated during some times and less in others.

Another meditative challenge was calming down the internal chatter in my head.  I was becoming frustrated a t myself for letting my mind wander into my daily life thoughts and concerns.  My daydreams were shifting my focus as well.  That's when I tried a new game to play with my Self.  If I were to shift my focus while meditating it would be okay.  My guides/total self would remind me that I was meditating and assist me in returning my focus to where I wanted it to be.  This suggestion assisted me so much.  No longer was I upset or deterred if I lost or shifted my focus.  I began to understand that the chatter is part of the process.  It existed for me so I accepted it, utilized it, and grew because of it.

The most effective way to increase your meditation or to begin one is to practice.  Try to communicate to your Self through meditation.  Keep the idea in your thoughts and your life.  After a short while you will begin to access deeper meditative states of consciousness.  What wonders lay inside us all? 

(c)1999, Lisa Wallach. Published in the April-May 1999 Issue of the Conscious Creation Journal.  (Feel free to copy this column for personal use - Please include this copyright statement.) http://www.consciouscreation.com/