The time is 7:30 pm, I'm cruising home from work feeling very centered, at ease with my power and generally on top of the world. My car is moving gracefully, I can see the road clearly ahead, there's good music on the radio and in mere minutes I'll be home.

WHAM!!!  I round a turn and four wild boars are crossing the road, there's no way to avoid hitting them, there's no time for me to even hit the brakes. I slam directly into one of them causing his body to bounce haphazardly in my headlights while my car slows to a halt.

What happened???? I was in my center, I was feeling good, I felt safe with the universe and confident that I would see any animals in time to avoid hitting them. For weeks I had been driving with this belief, building confidence, reinforcing it, according to everything I understood about conscious creation, everything I learned over the years from the Seth and Abraham materials, this shouldn't have happened.  Everything I thought I understood about conscious creation stemmed from the idea that "you get what you focus on" and everytime I tried to fit this experience into that framework it came up feeling hollow, a rationalization to support a religious belief rather than a realization to encourage my own growth.

Over the weeks, we saw more and more wild boars, actually they appear to have had a population explosion in this part of California, and almost any night we could go outside and spot from 1 to a dozen of them in the fields around our house.  I consoled myself over the incident by realizing that it was part of a natural culling process. Since the only hunters of wild boar are humans and mountain lions, I was playing my role as a part of nature. But I still wondered, "Why me?" Why did I choose to participate in this event? Why is it the one thing I never wanted to experience as a driver, the thing that I had let go of being afraid of, had come to pass in a very gruesome manner?

As the weeks past, Kristen and I wondered about the symbology of  the boars. There was rarely a night that we didn't see or hear them now. They had even taken to coming in our yard when we were in the house. Twice we chased one out of our yard as we came outside, and in the mornings we would find large tracts of uprooted soil to mark where they had been.

Uprooting, that's what boars do, and it struck me that that's exactly what had happened to me as well. The boar I hit had uprooted all the beliefs in conscious creation that I had taken for granted, beliefs that I had become so safely surrounded in, that it limited the way spontenaity could be experienced in my life.

On the surface level, like overturned grass, there was a large part of my own trust taken from my center. What good was having such beliefs if such "bad" things can happen? I knew that good and bad were merely judgements I placed on events, but I still had trouble accepting that this could be a "good" event.

To me, it seemed that to accept this as a good event, or a learning experience that I could grow from was just whitewashing over the actual experience, rationalizing it to ease my conscience. I continued to judge the event, and myself harshly, rather than trying to see what gift it held for me.

I didn't really allow myself to consider this until I read a Bashar session titled "The Elevator Analogy" by Darryl Anka. In it Bashar states:  "The idea is that, yes, you can have a goal, yes, but there are so many surprising ways you could actually get there other than the one your mind is capable of understanding. So the idea is, yes, you can have a plan, you can have a path, you can have a general structure that you believe you will follow, but if it does not come to precise fruition in exactly that way, that's telling you that there is something perhaps bigger, richer and more surprising than your mind was capable of grasping."

So what was this great understanding I was missing? As I released my judgement around the incident, I began to see an assumption that I had carried as a conscious creator that I hadn't realized before. All along I had been striving to make some areas of my life predictable, using belief work to control things, rather than to open myself up to the inherent magic of the universe.

Open myself up??? I froze at once! To what? Letting go of those things that made my life comfortable??? What's the sense in that??? That area of trust that had been so upturned recoiled in horror at the concept my greater self was reaching. What the hell was this magic I spoke of so freely anyway? Sure, I had tapped into it to create some wonderful things in my life, but if I just opened up to it, wouldn't I be opening myself to potentially more bad experiences as well?

I was also reminded of something our friend George Garner had said years ago: "We are better creators then we are predictors." This struck me as extremely significant, as I realized how much I've been using conscious creation techniques to make my life more predictable, therefore controllable, creating on a more restricted scale than I had prieviously realized.

In making the leap to being a full time conscious creator, I have found myself faced with losing comfort and security in the areas that I had always taken for granted. I had always worked a steady, salaried job, creating a nice predictable paycheck for myself, sacrificing a huge chunk of my waking consciousness to maintain a system that had not really brought me joy, happiness, or in truth financial security.

In Bashar's elevator analogy, he remarks that elevators go both up and down, though we often go down in them by default. By mentally pressing the "up" button, I realized that I have reached the part of my life where I can release predictability. I can use my powers of conscious creation to create my life, rather than control it. I can guide my course into uncharted territory, trusting myself not because "I have the power" but because "I am the power."

I realize now that I am not always intended to see the obstacles on the road. If that was the way which conscious creation worked, we would never be surprised, never experience anything unexpected, our lives would become.... predictable. The difficult part is in remembering that the obstacles are placed there by me as well, and trusting that they are important signposts, not meant to deter, but perhaps to make a necessary detour along the way. 

(c)1999, John McNally.  Published in the February 1999 issue of the online Conscious Creation Journal, except the images of Spiderman, which are the property of Marvel Comics.  Feel free to copy this article for personal use - please include this copyright notice. http://www.consciouscreation.com/