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When
I was a kid, I was often told to “make do” with
what I had, or that I didn’t REALLY need certain things
that I was asking for. Being the creative individual that
we all are, I did learn to work around these limitations,
quite well actually. In fact, I became a master at work arounds
and “making do”, so much so that it became a matter
of pride, a badge of honor, that I could so much with so little.
In my first post-college job, I was hired as a technical writer
into a department that was still in the process of forming
and so we didn’t yet have a working computer for each
person. I, most admirably, stepped forward and said that I
didn’t NEED to have a computer all to myself and could
very well share it with another person. I still remember the
“what are you, nuts?” look my manager gave me when
she said, “No, you need your own computer.”
Now,
limitations can serve to introduce us to new avenues we wouldn’t
have considered otherwise. For instance, if you don’t
have the correct ingredients for a recipe you were wanting
to make, you might instead look at what you DO have in the
refrigerator and pantry and put together other diverse ingredients
to create a new dish. You might also find new ways of creating
what you want when you don’t have enough money to buy
it outright. Working within accepted limitations or guidelines
can be a rewarding experience - just think of what opportunities
the guidelines of “time” and “space” create
for us in physical reality!
One
of the key factors however, is being able to discard old limitations
once they
become too confining. (I certainly don’t want to HAVE
TO play only “Checkers”
my entire life!) And to do that, a good thing to do is to
find out exactly what you think is confining you.
I
had noticed that when I focused on certain things that I wanted
to create, the energy and excitement would dissipate quickly
and I would only be left with feelings of frustration. A while
ago I made a mental note that “frustration” meant
that I wasn’t allowing a part of myself to “be”
- the frustration was me restraining or disallowing my energy
in some way.
So,
what was frustrating me, exactly? I performed a mental “tracer”
to find out
where my thoughts were going and how they were getting there
from here.
And suddenly it was RIGHT THERE in front of me. First, I’d
focus on what I wanted. Then, even before I was able to really
feel anything for it, my thoughts
slid off into the “you don’t NEED this” and
the “you can make do with what you have” zone.
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“Use
It All;
Wear It Out;
Make It Do;
or Go Without!”
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Even though my parents were born a while after the depression,
that belief system was still extremely present in my family,
even though I didn’t grow up “poor”. My training
had probably begun when I first started to ask for things,
and was told, as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, that
I didn’t need it, couldn’t have it, and could make
do in some way with what was already there. In effect, what
I learned to do was to VERY QUICKLY dismiss my desires if
they were outside of the realm of limitation that my family
had adopted, and go about finding some “acceptable”
way of at least partly making my desires areality.
Later
in my life, when I came up on the ideas of reality creation,
I also ran into a lot of “spiritual” ideas as well.
I didn’t have a problem with the concepts of simplifying
your life, and I did understand that thinking in terms of
needing money to accomplish things was a severe limitation
unto itself. BUT, I always bristled inside on some level when
I’d confront these attitudes on email lists and in essays
and such. To some degree I also continued my pattern of making
do and working around the ideas of not having money and the
like. But my discontent was growing.
Apparently,
I had inadvertently but very concisely reproduced my early
training to convince myself that I did NOT really want something,
with my projections and interactions with many lists’
members (god bless ‘em! *grin*). Even though I felt frustration,
I still dutifully TRIED to find a way around things.... but
it wasn’t going to happen. Seems it was time to stop
flowing around the obstacle and dissolve it instead.
The
funny part was that no matter how old or used or ragged or
filled up things became, I continually found ways of “making
do” and of accepting things that I truly did NOT find
acceptable anymore. Silly things like, telling myself that
I didn’t NEED to buy new towels, no matter how ragged
or frayed they became, because you could still MAKE DO with
them. I even found ways to “make do” with less and
less money, sort of. I deleted things off our computer’s
hard drive when it became full. Anything to keep me within
this old framework of limitation, particularly when it came
to ‘new things’ or ‘more space’.
There
were certain parts of my life that I did NOT “just make
do” though - particularly in my writing or my art. I
couldn’t let a paragraph go unedited if I felt it was
only “making do” or “good enough” - I
had to have the exact wording I wanted. And I wouldn’t
accept navy blue paint if I was trying to achieve indigo,
for instance, or use pancake mix instead of wheat flour when
baking. I considered things like that a matter of artistic
integrity to get things “just right” so that my
final creations came out with me smiling and satisfied.
So
when I learned to deny my desires, I learned to toss away
my integrity. I could “demand” that I get art and
“creative” projects just right, but that’s
as far as my integrity was allowed to stretch within that
old system. However, the
more I brought the “you create your own reality”
ideas into more areas of my life, the more intensely I began
to need my integrity to come with me. You can’t create
what you want without connecting with your true self in those
areas - that’s what creates what we call EFFORT and HARD
work.
So...
I sat down and took a good, long look at all the “reasons”
that I had to deny myself: It was for the good of the whole
(the family) if I didn’t demand too much because we could
only have so much. There’s a limited amount of resources
on the earth and so it’s really selfish for you to demand
things like new towels when yours still, in effect, works.
But none of this old thinking meshed with my new frame of
mind as a conscious creator, and it was certainly time to
let go of them! And, after all, I really DID have standards,
and a big chunk of my life was not yet MEETING these standards
of satisfaction.
Next,
I went back to my initial desires. I stated that things were
different now and that it was now quite acceptable for me
to have these desires that were outside the old framework
of limitations. The first thing I felt was a reconnection
with EXCITEMENT. In a past issue of the Conscious Creation
Journal, I wrote an article called, “Swimming Pools and
Inner Passions” where I created a swimming pool for our
family by, er, swimming in the feeling of excitement I had
whenever I thought about it. That knowing came back to me
once again - this time when I reconnected with the excitement
of the new things I wanted to create, I didn’t even seem
ABLE to go that old route of discounting my desires or trying
to “make do” - my brain couldn’t even consider
it anymore. I once again had contact with my true self, my
integrity - why go anywhere else?
A
few days has passed since my initial turn around with this
whole issue. I find that with the understanding that my desires
were “okay” or “perfectly acceptable and fine”,
I am now truly TRUSTING myself to create these things I’ve
wanted for so long but kept denying myself. I’m not worrying
about how or when they will come about - the essence of that
is really doubt or disconnection from the self. The nonchalant
and playful “everything will work out just perfectly!”
attitude that I used to pride myself on has now flowed to
fill in this ‘void’ as well. I am fully able to
immerse myself in the excitement of something I want to create
or experience, without kicking myself out anymore. Once again,
I’m the one directing my energy in this area instead
of “default reality” beliefs. Oh, what a feeling!
*grin* 
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